fujiyuu no megami daite

I love dealing with dramafags. Despite the fact that Emily claims to not read my journal, I have a sneaking suspicion she'll be checking it After the comment I left. And, of course, that's all her right to do, but I just want to clear one thing up:


STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES
BUT INTERNETCONVERSATIONS CAN NEVER HURT ME.



&


The Internet is Serious Business.


With this in mind, I'll be snagging a new journal (had this one too long anyhow and was thinking about it before) that is MINE FOR THE TAKING. This one will remain up as a record, just like ofallpieces. If y'all are interested in getting the name, please ask me over AIM. <3 

(Those of you who know what my AIM name is should be the only ones asking, cause I am not giving it out - internet drama is not 4 mi). I will give it to those I want to give it to... And no, Anna, I'm not using that one. ;)

LOVEYOUBAI.

x June 27, 2006

Fill this out in a comment, and then post the blank form in your journal.



1. Name:
2. Birthday:
3. Place of Residence:
4. What makes you happy:
5. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
6. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
7. An interesting fact about you:
8. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
9. Favourite place to be:
10. Favourite lyric:
11. Best time of the year:
12. Weirdest food you like:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A song:
4: A band:
5. A TV show:

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Put this in your LJ so i can tell you what I think of you.

http://media.putfile.com/Polyphonic-Lesbians


Renee and I directed this video from 12:08 or so, until 2:52 or so. It was hard, hard work but it payed off for this short video. The reason it took us so long was because we had conflicting ideas of what should go in it but eventually we fell back to compromise. ;D

I loved working on this with her and it was a project we very much enjoyed. Feedback, as always, is welcome. :D

I haven't posted in a very long time. I bought CATS at some point last weekend, on my spree of hanging out with Uncle Rich and Aunt Lindy. The first time I watched it, I fell asleep before Mr. Mistoffelees. [And we all say... 'HI ZAC!'] (Note: Aunt Lindy found an odd lump in her breast so she's getting mammograms up the wazoo, I'm not sure when or if there will be a New Hampshire trip because of this, or if it's cancerous.)

Aunt Lindy looked pretty the last time I saw her. I have this new found appreciation for her, she's been so sweet to me lately. And I never really liked her before but I guess the older you get the more you learn to appreciate people.

On that note of appreciating things, I've been going to bed early all this week except for tonight. And tonight is the one night I actually have something to do tomorrow, and therefore should be sleeping - but I'm spazzing out. I came online to see two people, thank god, that I could talk to. Often when I have my fits like this, I never have anyone to run to at practically-Three-AM in the morning.

I also have a newfound appreciation for my ecclectic taste in music, which I never had before. I've always felt that my music tastes were inferior because everyone seemed to have their niche, but I never found mine. {mytitiches} ... Now, though, I realize my vast interest in music (as it still expands to this date and further on, should I live to see that) is something of a gift. I have been blessed to have never heard a song I couldn't find something to like about, and this I realize is a gift not a curse. If those who like certain types of music look down on me because I easily snatch up their favorite and least favorite bands to add to my collection of music interests... well, fuck them. Fuck them in the ear. ;)

I feel like it has been long enough to move on from Andrew. And I don't mean to send this out the wrong way: I am seriously considering committment, only because at this point I desire it when I did not before. Despite the fact that I had a dream about him Sunday, I feel fine enough to move on from it. Every time I have a dream - thank you to Marcus for assessing my dreams about him as "unfinished business" - I feel like, "What the hell, Andrew, you're out of my life stop coming back to me."


And I'm literally panicking, because I love George and I want to take it slow but my body is telling me that someday I'm going to die, and that could be close. That's why I'm getting this entry out right now, in case I drive myself batshit insane and go over the deep end tonight. I looove you all.

Here's some confessions:

Devin, I've got kind of a crush on you again with all this freedom.
Renee, I really wanna hang out with you.
Kal, I miss you.
Chris, I feel insignificant in your life. You kinda know that.
George... I'm thinking about it. The big C word. I said it earlier. I don't know. Please don't hold me to anything, I just wanted to say it, so it was out there.. I love you. I love you. I love you. I've never met a more caring guy, despite the fact you're a push over. ;D
I really want a bunch of piercings. Maybe a tattoo.
I'm part of the furry culture again, bigtime. George pointed this out to me earlier.
I really need a strap on. Like, seriously. This vagina hinders.
I need to lose like 60 lbs, so I think I'm going to ask if taking major weight loss pills would hurt me with my medication.
I hate Vicki.
I met this cool chick and I totally want to bang her. LOL.
I want a RL relationship.
I want surgery. GUESS WHAT KIND. Points to the biggest asshole suggestion.
I saw Alex Glennon the other day. She retains fat well.
I do totally like Tool.
I'm afraid of losing Uncle Rich to death, I got paranoid about it the other day when he was over. I guess Lindy and I have one thing in common.


Okay, I'm getting mean. ... uhm...

On that note, here's a shoutout to everyone I love that I can think of:

Stephen! Anna! Kal! Renee! Devin! Bethabee! Sus! Chrismess! Geeroge! Marc! Bri! Kain! Duckitt! Teenie! Dan!

Here's to a developing furre-char of mine, a Musk Deer. I think it's name will start with a C, but I'm not sure what it will be. Cyrien? Naw, I want it to be like.. a word. 'Creator', 'Devious', 'Camphor'? Someone help me with C-words.

I miss RPing with Anna. Anner, I so want to continue.... I love Kio. He's so gone off the deep end. I want to write, I'm getting that itch. This computer needs to be fixed. Kain thinks Linux will handle the problems I can't. I'm hopeful, but it seems like a lot of preparation. :(

baikids.

... obligatory after-birthday post. Nae and Eevee... are here. And I can't decide what to call .......................................................................................................................... devin.

Renee complained about my dots so I made more. We're listening to metal and getting high on shrooms. Soon we will hit the porno. Renee brought some of her best. =)

lataz.

Well, it's officially my birthday but it feels like I'm still counting up the days - weeks, months ? - up to the date. I'm so far behind schedule and the summer is almost here. School lets out next week, I'm thinkin about hitting up Wheeler for the last day of school but I doubt that will be so. I love everyone.

Birthday comments??


Update:


Turns out no one actually cares whether or not it's your birthday after all, they still take opportunities to down on you. My grandma even after giving me a gift asked me if she could take me out to dinner and I said I didn't want to go out because the truth is I'm feeling like shit and the only thing that would make me feel better is getting out of the house and going shopping but my grandma has been on her feet for hours and I cannot ask her to do that. I didn't ask for anything for my birthday except for a GBA link cable and that's all I got, besides money. I am not having a good birthday. I am not far from thinking irrational things like drinking bleach and cutting, or strangling myself.

George has no idea. I've felt less and less like talking to him because more and more I feel like he intentionally pulls for some sort of relationship.[2] I know it's bad to be posting this. The last thing I want to do is start shit on my birthday. I feel like my volcano is going to blow [1].

It's horrible because I've felting this mounting peak of bad consuming me and here it is finally. I just don't want... to be. I want to go out into Westerly and shop and I want to see my friends, I spent the entire day thinking it was just another day because it seemed so unlike my birthday. What is wrong with me? I think I'm an alien.

[2] So last night I intentionally did not pick up the phone. Does that make me bad? I even took it off the hook after the second call, until around 11:59. Then I put it back on and prepared to see if he'd call again and I would tell him I did not want to talk. I do not like how he has been calling lately.

I do not want to go out to dinner tonight.

 For the first time since the break up, I'm feeling a little sad. I know, I shouldn't be... ionno, maybe it's just that I'm finally feeling the breakup. Andrew's the same tweed he's always been. Ain't nothin gonna stop him from being that... Marc's a sweetheart and he helps a lot.


I can't believe how sad I am, when I'm the one who left him. Girls are too complicated... Never date one, they'll fuck you over. I love more than one person and I miss my ex. Well maybe I don't miss him, I miss the security he gave me.

I guess all I'm saying is I really need some help getting over him. I know he was bad. This is more like a livejournal entry than an away message. I guess I'm tryin to say if you out there, holla. I need sum love.

Peace.


PS: My birthday is in 6 days. What you gittin me? Here's a list of what I totally want (it's a joke, please god don't send me things. I'm not greedy like that):

*Portspaces on Furcadia.
*GBA Link Cable.
*Interesting reading material (of any sort).
*A new copy of House... old one is depressing me and I have to give the rented one back to the library since it's ILL'd.
*An eyelid piercing.
*Green hairdye. (Renee if you got this you and Amanda could totally come over and do it up. <3 Haha, joke)
*A Shakira CD.
*RAP CDS! For the love of god I want rap!! (well more like hiphop)
*Marijuana. I want POT. D=< Kidding. I'm so depressed I don't know what I'm saying. Don't do drugs, kids. =(
*A boyfriend.
*A penis.
*Porn. (What were those names, Renee?)
*RECOGNITION. Gimme sum love.
*Furry handcuffs. Yes this one is serious.
*A STRAP ON!!!11!! LOLZ>
*-45 lbs.
*A guide to anorexia.
*A cellphone.
*A guide to drawing anthros (serious, it can even be an online link. I don't care. I want some reference.)
*Less stress.
*More time with friends. (How can you be so selfish with your time when any one of us could die at any moment?)
*Kat. I want Kat. Someone arrange something so we can hang out with her. I miss her. I been thinkin bout her.

There we go... happy 17th birthday everyone. (June 9th!)


...I miss you. Everyone. Where are my comments? Renee, you and I have too much in common. No comments!! Fuckheads.

Peace. Again.

I'm pissed. I need Eminem. Hold up.

Kay. There.

I'm not even going to bitch here, even though I have all the right to. You know it's disturbing how much like Andrew I feel. I just want to be like, "You know you get me so pissed but I know you'll read this and feel like a shithead, then that fucking screws me over."

You have no idea what it's like to be unable to vent in your own LJ like that. But fuck that. You want me to talk on the phone with you, you want all this shit from me. I know you got a job but you said it wasn't that bad so I believed you, I didn't press it, now come to find out this is some sort of repressed shit. What, you holding it against me that you have to listen to the radio all the time? Fine, whatever.

You know, you were bored. You wanted me to talk to you. So I did. And I don't care if you don't like Panic!, that's not what I'm fucking pissed at you for. Anyone ever tell you that it was rude to say you don't care when someone was telling you something? That's probably the whiniest shit I ever seen. ...God I said I wasn't going to rant. I'm on a fucking Em kick cause of you. Good going.

X PEACE.

So George has blocked me. ...That's all right. I left a long message about how I felt to him on msn. And you know, I'm not going to kill myself over this. He wants to spread his wings, fine. This was never a relationship to begin with. Why act like it? He is allowed to have as many love interests as he wants.

He obviously recieved my message... well I'm not going to grieve. I posted a long, hateful message here last night. It's now on private because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Things will change, though. I do not easily recieve free minded subs. In fact, probably worse than you recieve a free minded dom. You want someone else? Go for it.

I'm not going to hold back.

In other news I recieved a strange message from Devin when I woke up. It was sent at noon, and I woke like 30 minutes ago, so I worried that she was at work. I think she wants to hang out (which is in all aspects cool)... but I think she has work so I don't know what to do. If I call her gross-cellphone she might get interrupted at work... bah, what to do.

1. Put numbers in the boxes instead of x's (example: 1, 2, 3, 4, ...)
2. Repost as "I have lived through x of these 158 things."

I said shut up when I'm talking to you! You hear me? Answer me! 


I absoluteeeeely loooove Eminem. I need more music on my mp3 player. Man... today is the first time I've been to school in what seems to be weeks.

Mmmm.. George is doing good, hopefully. He feels sad when I neglect him a bit. Of course, that's true for most bottoms but I am a sympathetic seme. I love my little subs, despite trying to be cool about not giving them attention... he's my baby boy. 

Of course I love him. What a silly question to ask. To me, however, love is not a committment... though I love in a way that people seem to have a hard time understanding. I can tell you that George is mine. You can't have him, you will not hurt him. I'm here to protect him. While it might seem like I don't care about him much and I tease him a lot, the truth was if you were to harm a hair on his head I would go absolutely ballistic.

I'm not lying, either. I'd flip out, go psychotic on your ass. Growling, foaming at the mouth, death glare.. all sorts of disgusting behaviour. You do not want to cross my path, or come near my property. He is mine. That would be vandalism. But more than that, I would die to see my beautiful boy sad. 

And that's why I'd get kicked out of George's house. Very quickly. I'd be draped across his bed, nuzzling to him, his mom would walk in and try to tell him to do something and I would fix her with the glare of a hell hound, or a rabid wildcat that's just found you in it's territory. She'd stammer, fall back and be like, "WHAT IS THAT THING DOING ON YOUR BED?"

If his family came close to creating any sort of distress in my boy, I would go homicidal. Literally. I would be a threat to his family. They'd be afraid of me. Except his little sister. I love cubs. I think I'm a furry. I've always wanted a mate, not a lover/partner whatev... and I call kids "kits" or "chidluns" or "cubs". And I don't mind furs at all. It could be from the background Devin and I have with yerf.com ... tracing the artwork and redrawing it. =)

I love fur artwork. I definately am a fur. An odd mix between wildcat and dog. Aah... there's a lot people don't know about me. It's not that I'm interested in dressing up in giant costumes and yiffing or something, but I definately don't mind fur art... so back to my being a threat to stressors to my boy. 

Let me clear this. It's mine. Don't fucking touch it, don't distress it, don't hurt it and don't upset it. ...and I won't hurt you. Mine.


Everyone's leaning on me... but sometimes it feels like the world's almost over but then she comes back to me. My baby girl keeps getting older...



Why are you doing this?
SHUT THE FUCK UP
You're drunk!


Well it's pretty much almost time to go and I have to turn this damn thing in... so... I love you guys. Especially my boy. <3

I'm now clocking my panic attacks. They are massive in size and cause me to hit my head hard enough to hurt my fist and hand. Times of attacks...

4:56am Monday
5:00am Monday
5:04am Monday
5:08am Monday (small)
5:10am Monday
5:14am Monday (bad) - I have got to stop hitting my head, I ... christ. It's...bad.


The moment! THE MOMENT!!

Holy crap. I totally had to go back and see what that was, that I wrote. My skull is absorbing too much of the shock. I think I should go to bed... My panic attacks seem to come in 4 minute spurts.

This movie is so good. It was before Jake Gyllenhaal got too popular.

So today’s going pretty well I believe, Friday is catch-up day with Stephen and today is no exception. I feel like today is catch-up day with myself. I’m going to curl up against the other door with Morrie and just cuddle and read... it’s one of those days.

I’m listening to Hoobastank. Not that I do it very much or even casually sometimes, but they have a new CD out and Stephen whored me a copy with some bonus media and so of course I’m listening to it because I have an open mind. It’s actually pretty nice... catchy. I can’t wait until lunch because I want to lay on the floor and read, and there’s tonnes of people who could possibly step on me.


Tuesdays With Morrie is a good book. Mitch Albom is a good author... his work always centers on life and the lessons you get from it, and the meaning... that sort of thing. I always like reading about his thoughts on it. You know it’s good when it attracts and holds your attention like that.

Anyway, Morrie is Mitch’s college professor who nurtures Mitch’s more thoughtful (albeit a tad cynical) side, and who strives to teach Mitch everything he’s going through when he contracts ALS – Lou Gehrig’s disease. And what occurs when he learns that he will eventually suffocate from his disease.

Instead of being sad, Morrie pulls himself up by the reins and takes charge of his life, using his life as a teacher to help teach people about death as he walks through his last path in life: the one to death. He calls himself the missing link between life and death many times in the book. Refusing to let himself suffer, he continues working and has a living funeral – in an attempt to show others not to be afraid. His passion is as real as Mitch, in this non-fiction memoir of a man’s last teaching position.

Vinyl sticker with big block letters
Adherent to my chest
Tells... your new friends,
“I am a visitor here
I am not permanent.”

I love The Postal Service. I really need more music by them... the microwave here really sucks. Like really. The plate moves around constantly, and it’s always like “NYAUR”.

“I’m gonna puke if I keep smelling popcorn.”

Haha, I think I agree.. I burnt my popcorn. Now I’m sad.. but we have nothing else to eat, so what was I supposed to do? Hff... the boy has work tonight, but that’s all right.

I’m thinking of buying him a collar and leash. I’d totally just lead him around... I’m a skank like that. Only 2 hours... I can make it I’ll just read and such... it’s really easy. =)

It's odd. This is my religiion:

* I don't believe in God but I believe in Mother Nature, which is the balance of everything and the force behind everything logical.

* "All life is pain." - Buddhism

* Magic can be used for the good of man or the bad of man, it can be abused and it can be nurtured. /Paganism

* All people have equal right to individuality, and deserve to live their lives as they please. Do whatever you choose and cross no one unless they've crossed you first. / Satanism

* Altruistic belief in a higher being is silly. /Atheism

* Every animal, plant, and natural being has a spirit and a name. / Animism

* There should be a sort of peace and level of comfortability with your belief, or else you do not truly believe it.

* To throw your beliefs in another person's face is preaching, which is just as silly as anything else can be. Tell only if asked, or if you feel the need.

So far I have been good on my own. So far I feel more like my like is under control and not some radically spinning whirlpool of madness. And under my control, things are looking bright. Sleepy, but bright...

Just like the setting sun is returned to the lonesome ocean.
And then they splashed into the deep blue sea!
Oh it was a wonderful splash!

I can't wait for New Hampshire. It is a place where comfort is one of the highest points of living. I have a bunch of things that I always wanted to share with Andrew but never felt comfortable trying to share with him. I have told things to Gee-roge that I have told barely anyone I know.

I think I could take him to New Hampshire. Andrew always said, "We could go to New Hampshire" but he said it like he meant that we could go a bunch of other places too. When I said New Hampshire was my favorite place in the world, George immediately said that he wanted me to take him there. And he hasn't let up in whinging about it since then.

don't get me wrong, it's the cutest thing in the world - but it just awes me. How I can go from Mr. Seriouspants to Mr. Sweetheart who will shiver at my every touch and when my words come out they don't sound silly or immature, they flow and caress like hands running over skin... and not be so confused? See what I mean, even that sentence was confusing... Lua...

Well it takes one to know one kid, I think you got it bad.
But what's so easy in the evenin' by the mornin's such a drag.
I got a flask inside my pocket we can share it on the train...
And if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same.
Well we might die from medication but we sure killed all the pain...
but what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane.

So I just found out earlier this morning that Paul Rusesabagina got involved last month in the Darfur genocide (Sudan). Genocide is really important to me, as in... like... things that I feel really passionate about. I'm going to make a Myspace wide bulliten about the situation in Sudan very soon. I hope I see people I know do the same. I love you guys.

Even if you guys don't know what's going on in Sudan, or you think you're too busy to do something like that or you're too shy or your excuse is you never go on Myspace. Just think about it... Myspace is the perfect place to post something like that. Thousands of people are dying at the hands of other people, people who should be compassionate and care about one another but instead are driven violence by years of conflict that started long ago. Please don't turn your back to this just because you're scared of posting a bulliten or some bullshit like that.

People are dying. How many more people have to die for you to get off of your ass in your nice suburban home and do something?


Help out!

http://www.darfurgenocide.org/

=) Thanks.

My new-new years resolution for MidMay-on is to not say Andrew anymore.

( Read more... )

I don’t understand why you argue so much when they’re just trying to help you.

Yeah, well, you wouldn’t understand the lack of interest in things that aren’t important. Math and ways that you’re supposed to think are so typical, so conformed, so generic and predictable. I want something that no one else has, I want a life no one else leads. I don’t want computers, I don’t want technology, I don’t want money or a job or politics or expensive cars or foreign exchange or mass genocide. fuck it. life makes my head hurt.

if it weren’t for the so many things that I want to experience, I would never participate in it.

I want to experience feelings and senses and moments. Not ... not... things that we do just to pass the time, like have jobs and cars and families and lovers and houses and money and politics and homework. Math is NOTHING. Math problems are useless. In the end they are worth nothing, absolute shit, because what are they worth in the real world? The world I live in is a world full of wild things and animals and long tall grass and bare-skinned beings known as human kind... and when we want to unwind we lay on a bed of grass and listen to insects in the stars, watching the planets circle around, instead of turning on CDs and listening to bands with unimaginable names like Walking on Mars, and everything we know is just a waste of energy. Why get up, why ever leave, that haven where you lay if you have no interest in anything but finding peace and spending your days living that way? Expect the unexpected, directed like a silent black and white film, a genocide of those old days, I’m written in your hearts, tattooed on the inner walls like a message from God.

I’m taking up the drums, I decided, before I bought those drumsticks and started rapping out a beat. It’s laughing, palpable, crashing, down on you like you’ve never seen anything ever do in this repeating space in time. Lines, and lines, repeating and blurring and sliding amongst themselves, drunken, disheveled- appearences, lemme get a clearance for that before we drive off in the new weary sunset, like a day played on rewind, it’s time for a backtrack of beauty and anger and demand is nowhere near supply or how much I write, is no where near how many people want to read the words of the damned and in the bitter twisted lyric infested mind I seek to find my dreams and swallow these pills every time I need some sanctity, but goddammit is that the me or is it just a facade, I can’t figure out which is which or who to be, so I struggle between these two realities and I lack specific order and try to balance these anomalies which tip the scales back and forth like a balance beam of drunken dreams and shattered beings and sleeping pills that don’t make you go to sleep;

Sorry. sorry.

sorry I said. sorry I said. I said sorry, I said. said sorry I said. said sorry I said I said sorry said sorry sorry sorry.

I love last night. I love last night. I love last night.

Your eyes are wild and mine are tame, but I’m the child and we’re talking games, we play by my rules which make no sense, we’re inside this mirror where everything is reverse. We’re upside down and inside out, turned around and swirled about, black and white and nothing but color we are everything and nothing but each other, throwing dice back and forth for hours and hours, a faceless shadow watches our figures play the game.

it’s all a game, a game, a game

this kind of shameless thing, the ploy, the mystery – ous boy that curious feeling, my morbid being, these torrid feelings and stranger dreams. naked nights by the light of the upside down flower drowned moon, it’s cheshire cat smiles it knows but won’t tell anyone, not a soul not a boy not anyone in the world full of sand and big shadowed figures of men that lumber around and hover over shoulders

and cover the ground at fast paces

and make us hide
hide



this mirror’s glass the misty past the unwinding tale of futures and what will come and what will be and what can’t happen, what I see is what I believe what I believe is never seen, what I understand is complete and what I know is tense rivalry

a game of dice and chance, it’s a goddamned dance, kiss and tell, will you please?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Please excuse that. I don’t know what it was, in fact... that was really cool but I have no idea what it was. I think like, I’ll look back on it and be like “Holy shit, what the hell was that.”

I think the people who read it will like it. I really don’t know what it’s about.

My first year in 9th grade, cant forget that day in school
it was cool to your man MC Shan came through
And said that Puma's the brand cause the Klan makes troops
It was rumours but man goddamn they flew
musta been true becuae man we done banned they shoes
I had the new ones the Cool J, Ice lambs suede too
but we just threw em' in the trash like they yesterday's news
Guess who came through next? X-Clan debuted
Professor X "Vanglorious, exist in a state of red, black and green with a key, sissies"
now with this being the new trend we don't fit in
crackas is out with Cactus albums blackness is in
African symbols and medallions represents black power and we ain't know what it meant
Me and my man Howard and Butter would go to the mall
With 'em all over our necks like we're showin 'em off
not knowin at all we was bein laughed at
You ain't even half black you ain't supposed to have that homie let me grab that
And that Flava Flav clock we gonna have to snatch that
All I remember is meetin back at
Manix's basement sayin how we hate this
How racist but dope the X-Clan's tape is





Man.. I love Eminem. Hohohoh.


Last night I had this dream that I got electrocuted. And died. It was scary as hell. I could feel it. I need to look it up.. but right now I'm extremely tired. Connie today and I don't feel like going. I need to call my Grandma

Have you ever loved someone so much
You'd give an arm for
Not the expression
No, literally give an arm for
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armor
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her
But what happens when karma
Turns right around to bite you
And everything you stand for turns on you despite you
What happens when you become the main source of her pain
"Daddy look what I made"
Dad's got to go catch a plane
"Daddy where's mommy?"
"I can't find mommy, where is she?"
"I don't know, go play, Hailie baby, your Daddy's busy"
"Daddy's writin' a song, the song ain't gon' write itself"
"I'll give you one underdog, and you got to swing by yourself"
Then turn right around in that song, and tell her you love her
And put hands on her mother who's a spittin' image of her
That's Slim Shady
Yeah baby Slim Shady's crazy
Shady made me
But tonight, Shady's rock-a-bye-baby, huh...

(Chorus)
And when I'm gone, just carry on
Don't mourn, rejoice
Everytime you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that, I'm lookin' down on you smilin'
And I didn't feel a thang
So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on
Don't mourn, rejoice
Everytime you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that, I'm lookin' down on you smilin'
And I didn't feel a thang
So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...

(Verse 2)
I keep havin' this dream
I'm pushin' Hailie on the swings
She keeps screamin' she don't want me to sing
"You're makin' Mommy cry"
"Why? Why is Mommy cryin'?"
"Baby Daddy ain't leavin' no more"
"Daddy you're lyin'"
"You always say that, you always say this is the last time"
"But you ain't leavin' no more, Daddy you're mine"
She's pilin' boxes in front of the door
Tryin' to block it
"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy, no stop it"
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket
Its got her picture
"This'll keep you safe, Daddy take it with ya"
I look up, it's just me standin' in the mirror
These stinkin' walls must be talkin'
Cause man I can hear 'em
They're sayin' you got one more chance to do right
And it's tonight
Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em 'fore it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door
It turns to a stage
They're gone, and the spotlight is on
And I'm singin'

(Chorus)

(Verse 3)
Sixty thousand people
All jumpin' out their seat
The curtain closes
They throwin' roses at my feet
I take a bow
And thank you all for comin' out
They're screamin' so loud
I take one last look at the crowd
I glanced down
I don't believe what I'm seein'
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are bleedin'"
"But baby we're in Sweden"
"How did you get to Sweden?"
"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin'"
"You lied to me Dad, and now you made Mommy sad"
"And i bought you this coin, it says NUMBER ONE DAD"
"That's all i wanted, i just want to give you this coin"
"I get the point, fine, me and Mommy are goin'"
"But baby wait..."
"It's too late Dad, you made your choice"
"Now go out there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"
"That's what they want, they want you Marshall they keep"
"Screamin' your name, it's no wonder you can't go to sleep"
"Just take another pill, yeah i bet you you will"
"You rap about it"
"Yeah, Word, K-K-Keep It Real"
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see
How could it be, that the curtain is closin' on me?
I turn around, find a gun on the ground
Cock it, put it to my brain
Scream "Die Shady" and pop it
The sky darkens, my life flashes
The plane that i was supposed to be on crashes
And burns to ashes
That's when i wake up
Alarm clocks ringin'
There's birds singin'
It's spring and, Hailie's outside swingin'
I walk right up to Kim and kiss her
Tell her I miss her
Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister
Almost as if to... say....

(Chorus)